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The Real Reason You're Single

The amount of times I have had friends, family members, work colleagues or even strangers say; “but how are YOU still single?” 

I try to take it as a compliment. I’m social, have lots of friends, enjoy my new job in London and I’m generally out and about most weekends. However, another part of me cringes; do they think I should be with someone? Or do they think I need someone?   

My answer to this question is always; “no, I’m still happy doing my own thing” and to be honest, this is why I have been single for the last three years.  

Digging deeper 

I’m happier on my own. Is that such a bad thing? I’m independent, focused, thriving. I have time for my friends and sister, who really are the rocks in my life and I’m trying my very best in my first graduate job, since University. I don’t know if I have that much time for a boyfriend. I would be giving up either time with my friends, family or myself. I love spending time alone, it really helps my mental health and at the moment, I have had so many changes, starting a new job, moving to a new city, I need to put myself first. Plus, I love watching trashy TV with a cup of tea, in bed, at 9pm on a Tuesday.ALONE! 

Also, I am 23 years old. I have always been someone who wants to live my age. I try my very best to be present and not wish my life away. Sure, at the moment there are definitely challenges, I feel slightly unsteady having just made a big move to London and starting a new job. However, I know deep down a boyfriend won’t make me feel any better. I have to work it out for myself, build my own routines, learn about my new area. Soon, this will feel just like home and I really don’t need help from anyone else to do it.   

Another part of me thinks, am I too independent, selfish and stubborn? Do I try to do everything on my own and not listen to anyone else? Probably, is the answer. But being in lockdown for the last year, when I was still living with my parents, has given me a huge push to just get out there and try to live life as much as possible! I also didn’t manage to get a full-time job, in London, during lockdown, without having those traits. That was more important to me than any boyfriend and this is just the way things work. My values may change in the future and that is also fine! 

I don’t fall in loveoh and I’m very picky 

I have friends who “fall in love” overnight, they meet a boy on the Saturday and by the Tuesday they are boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s never been my style and maybe I am slightly jealous that they get caught up in this whirlwind romance. I just don’t think it will ever happen for me, because it never has. I want someone fun, kind, caring, but I don’t need someone to rock my world. I rock my own world.   

I’m hoping as I get older, I may change, my needs will change, my values will change. I do just want someone who wants to have a good time and also is there for me through the good and the bad and vice versa. However, I haven’t found that yetso what’s the rush? 

The peer pressure  

This leads on to the issue of peer pressure. There seems to be such a rush in your early twenties to have it all. The job, the friends, the fun lifestyle, the boyfriend. Two of my closest friends basically live with their boyfriends. They are both completely smitten and in love. I celebrate that, want that, but I don’t feel the pressure to find that right now. I’m focused on myself, in the very best way. I don’t need anyone else. However, if I do find Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, I will be sure to let you know! 

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