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24 Feb

How to prevent getting cheated on

Cheating – it’s most probably the worst type of betrayal in relationships. The emotional pain it causes is difficult to describe, and that’s just the first of it. Getting cheated on can have detrimental effects on your confidence, self-esteem and overall sense of self. Although you can’t stop someone from cheating on you there are steps you can take to protect yourself from it as much as possible.

BE WARY OF PEOPLE WHO RELY ON EXTERNAL VALIDATION

External validation is ego focused and it makes a person feel good about themselves but there is one problem with it – it’s like crack. The more we get it, the more we want it and the more we rely on it.

Lack of external validation leads to self-doubt and self-criticism. People would often start to wonder what’s wrong with them and question themselves in all directions. This would put the person’s self- worth in the hands of others, and it can easily spiral out of control. The best way to combat this destructive cycle is by looking inwards, and creating a solid foundation which can be trusted and relied upon in times of need.

ENFORCE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Healthy boundaries are not only crucial for your intimate relationships, but also for your friendships, family relationships and even professional relationships. When you have them, it means you’ll know what is and is not acceptable for you in a relationship. It would help you identify when it’s time to stand up for yourself and challenge people’s behaviour.

Having these boundaries will help you recognise that you’re not responsible for your partner’s happiness and vice-versa. They are responsible for their own struggles and the best thing you can do for them is support them on their journey, not figure it out for them.

LOOK OUT FOR RED FLAGS

One of the most important advice I give to my clients is to always look out for red flags and act on them. Although they aren’t always deal breakers it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take them seriously. The most important aspect of this is to stop making excuses for other people’s behaviour and see it for what it is. You need to be able to recognise when you’re being treated poorly and when you deserve better.

DON’T ‘NEED’ YOUR PARTNER, BUT ‘CHOOSE’ THEM INSTEAD

There is a big difference between needing a partner and choosing to be with them. Needing someone implies they serve a purpose in your life which you cannot or struggle to give yourself. This is likely to make you co-dependent, reliant on your partner’s love and approval, and remove all boundaries you’ve set. It will make you shudder at the thought of your relationship ending which will leave you exposed to getting hurt and being taken advantage of. Continuing to be with your partner should always be a choice, not a need.

Bobbi Banks

Bobbi Banks is a certified life and relationship coach, neuroscientist, and NLP practitioner who is well-known for her straight to the point, honest advice on life, love and relationships. She helps people build self-confidence and self-esteem, heal from past trauma, break old patterns and challenge limiting beliefs.

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