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14 Dec

Anywhere, but there.

Hey boys, it’s time to stop saying “I love you” during sex.

Every girl has had to suffer through the awkward, uncomfortable moment where a boy says “I love you” during sex. Just as every boy has, at one time, uttered those three little words and then promptly looked like he wanted to throw himself out of the window. If you can’t remember, just assume you have at least once, probably in the heat of the moment. Now, follow up question: why? And I don’t mean that in a “why on earth are you saying that I’m interested from a psychological point of view” I mean what the hell is wrong with you?

Let me explain. Now, 2019 has officially been the year of SEX for women. And pretty much the last couple of years have been to be fair, but we’re hitting the roaring twenties again soon and it’s becoming all too clear that women are taking the reins and doin’ it for themselves – quite literally, in fact. Women are taking ownership of their bodies more and more, and refusing to let the patriarchal society dampen their “sexual enthusiasm”, shall we say.

We’ve had girls talking about it, teaching guys about how to do it better (and don’t act all insulted, we could all do with a few tips every now and then), and girls generally just owning it and making sure they get what they want for once. However, there’s one thing that’s still being left out of the conversation: saying “I love you” during sex. Specifically, boys saying “I love you” during sex.

Now, this probably applies to girls as well, but I’m going to focus it at the male species so just hear me out for two sweet seconds. Sex has, historically, been a symbol of control and ownership over a woman, with men using it to dominate marriages, subjugate women, and all manner of other things. Saying “I love you” during sex is just a 2019 version of that, because it creates emotions and sentiments that weren’t otherwise there, generating an overwhelming sense of safety and ultimately placing the guy completely and irrevocably in that position of control once again.

Before you jump down my throat, I’m not talking specifically about your long-term boyfriend of three years who murmurs it in your ear because, well, it’s three years down the line and to be quite honest he’s run out of things to say during sex. I’m talking about ANY and ALL of the times boys say it, whether it’s a one-night stand, your friend with benefits got a little too into the moment, or even a guy you really like gets a bit too open about his feelings.

When guys say “I love you” during sex, 99.9% of the time that’s not what they mean. They mean they love having sex with you, which is cool, I love having sex with me too. I mean, it’s sex, I’m great at it, so if you love having sex with me I would totally understand that. But, maybe just say you love having sex with us? Why ruin the moment with your totally way too soon declaration of love that you absolutely don’t even mean?

And to prove that I can see things from both points of view, I will admit that there are rare occasions when a guy saying “I love you” during sex can be super romantic. On rare occasions only though. And it’s normally coupled with a deep look in your eyes and a comment about how “perfect” and “beautiful” you are. And you’re definitely at the point where you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. On these rare occasions (yes, I am going to keep reiterating this point, it’s important) a guy saying he loves you will put a cute smirk on your face and will probably help get you a little bit wet.

Any other time, and it’s just going make us feel uncomfortable. Sorry lads.

Alex Wright

I’m a freelance writer and digital artist working in marketing and social media. I’m an avid animal lover, protector of bees, flexi-vegan (don’t ask) and a self-proclaimed feminist queen. You’ll probably find me standing awkwardly at the bar getting a little too drunk during social events.

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